You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
