who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
