i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize