And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
