I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
