Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
