So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
