Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
