I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My penis needs a shock collar
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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