she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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