when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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