mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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