the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
