Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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