I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it hurts more in the daytime
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
