Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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