She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
