I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
