it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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