god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
