I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I smell stomach acid.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
