there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
