How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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