My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
