So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
