would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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