I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
