you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
