just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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