smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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