My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
