Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
