in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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