Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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