So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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