Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
