remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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