ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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