can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
