I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
