our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
