Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize