She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
