I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish you could order shots online.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
