And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
