I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
