Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
