I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
