I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
