don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
