I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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