best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
