I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so much tequila, so little girl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
