I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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