3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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