Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
