sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
