no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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