i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
