no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
