Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
