I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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