Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
