god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
