oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
