i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
