We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
