anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
