dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
