hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she told me i tasted like america
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
