she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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